#oneaday, Day 70, Milton Keynes

OK, so my home football team Peterborough United beat MK Dons in the playoffs. Also, AFC Wimbledon have gained promotion.

A while a go now I entered a poetry slam, billed as Peterborough vs Milton Keynes. I wrote the following poem, and thought it was worth sharing now these events have happened.

Milton Keynes

Milton Keynes, Milton Keynes

Is a place I’ve never been

I just know you steal football teams

And have roundabouts in your dreams

And concrete cows, and you had a wooden tower

That Look East talked about for almost an hour

Because from the top you could see – a snow dome.


A snow dome.

But I’ve never been to your snow dome, because I live in Peterborough

Where for many years we have had a dry ski slope

And on hot… warm summer days we can slide down nylon.

And if we want snow, we can go round the back of the ice rink

Where there is a heap of the stuff that little kids can pile on.

Oh Milton Keynes, Milton Keynes

Is a place I’ve not been near

Because I don’t need to go to Ikea

We have got the warehouse here. And they deliver.

Our best festival is all about beer

And the council tax is not too high.

So keep your MK

I’m from the PE

Real cows beat concrete

Parkways beat roundabouts

Longthorpe Tower beats your wooden thing

And we don’t want to be on Look East anyway

Oh Milton Keynes, Milton Keynes

We were both New Towns in planners’ dreams

And maybe one day I’ll come down

If you get to be a city, and not just a town


Since I wrote it, I have actually been to Milton Keynes to have a document endorsed. however, I don’t think Milton Keynes has been made a city, so I am not going to return.

#oneaday, day 24, football pundits

So I understand some Sky football pundits left their mics on and ‘joked’ that a female assistant referee didn’t know the off side rule. It turns out that she had in fact made an excellent call, and the pundits were dropped from tonights coverage and given a stiff telling off. Or something.

Now it is obvious that sexist remarks have no place in society, and that anyone should be able to be what they want regardless of gender. However, I think this event has given us a larger question to consider – why do we need pundits?

For example, when watching football, I want to hear John Motson commentate. The man has been doing this since he was a boy, and seems to recall every game he has ever watched. Like referees, a professional.

Then along comes someone who used to play and at half time gives us ‘analysis’. To what end? Mostly they just seem to disagree or try and say something controversial. And are often wrong.

So let’s have more professional analysis please, and leave former footballers to advertise snack foods, supermarkets and to dance. Ice optional.