The Movie of my Life, #NaPoWriMo

In the movie of my life

I am played by Jim Carey

Because he has a big mouth.

My wife is played by Cameron Diaz – it’s Hollywood.

My mother is Helen Mirren.

My father is Jim Broadbent because it always is.

The cat is CGI.

The film fails miserably.

Then becomes a cult hit

With poets, youth workers, socialists and fans of Twitter.

In the sequel the cat is voiced by Morgan Freeman.

He pronounces Chippenham wrong.

And wins an Oscar.

Why I hate supermarkets, #NaPoWriMo

BOGOF when you just need one

Check out captains

Other shoppers.

Suspicious security guards

Other shoppers with small children

Unnecessary packaging

Cutting staff to use workfare

Other shoppers with small children not in control of the trolley they had to push.

Trying to find pine nuts

Having a choice of toasted or untoasted pine nuts

Paying £1 for having my pine nuts toasted.

Self-service tills

People who take trolleys through self-service tills.

Other shoppers with small children trying to use self-service tills.

Losing my wife to the clothing section

Loyalty cards

Forgetting my bag for life

Forgetting my vouchers to go with my loyalty card.

Eating horse meat that should be beef


Would not sell clothes (maybe tights)

Only be for me

Pay a living wage

Trade fair

Wrap in paper bags

Sounds like local shopping to me.

Market Trader, #NaPoWriMo

On the cheap

On the sly

Watching people wander by

Fingerless gloves

Polystyrene tea

Market trading life for me

Everyday a different town

Setting up, closing down.

UKs thinnest carrier bags

Stall propped up with porno mags.

When the high street has long gone,

I’ll still be here with my market song.

Fingerless gloves

Polystyrene tea

Market trading life for me

Horsing Around, #NaPoWriMo

Horsing Around

Horses are funny in Britain.

Most don’t want to eat one

But say they could.

Posh girls like to own them,

Small men like to ride them

Men envy there long… faces

And the nation gambles on them once a year

Knowing nothing about them.

And in that week several will die

And we pretend not to see the Tesco van scoop them up